I have written a poem to commemorate:

1) My 100th entry in the weird## "Thoughts of a dying mind" series.
2) My 100th deviation
3) My 100th journal entry (coming soon - this is #96).

weird100: HUNDRED [link]

It's also been just over 200 days since I first joined dA (I think).

Thank you to everyone who's read my poems and prose, and looked at my photos  & wallpapers, especially thanks for the comments and making me feel like I'm actually good at somehting!

For anyone who reads this, please answer the following questions, and send it to me in a note, or in a comment. Tis up to you.
Then post this for others to answer about you, or you'll be unlucky for years, or some other rubbish...

1. Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Would you f**k me?
7. Describe me in 3 words.
8. If you had me for 30 minutes what would you do?
9. What was your first impression of me?
10. Do you still think the same?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. What do you like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something you couldn't?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why.
18. Are you going to repost this and see what I say about you?
19. Anything to say before you go?

My thoughts flow out,
Flowing like a flood,
Mixing with all these feelings.

These weird feelings,

These unusual feelings,

These new feelings,
that I've felt so many times before.


They were so confusing,
everything conflicted with everything else
and logic denied it all.

But now logic's gone,
Left me with only feelings,
Left me with no rhyme.


Strict rhythm - gone,
Strict rhyming - gone,
My poems reflect my soul.

I just know

You're so important,

You're all I think about.


Everything seems so pointless,
if you were out of the picture,

But now I know I need you,

I'm free from logical bounds,

I'll let my heart run free,
In the lands of the unbound

In the lands of its own creation

In the lands where we can be together.
Forever.


Now for once I know
that I do not know.

And finally that doesn't matter.

It's not what I know,
but what I have,
that is important to me - you!

One of the reasons that the world doesn't work is that everyone just tries to punish people lower than themselves for what's been done to them by people higher than themselves!

A- AVAILABLE? Hmm... on a yes/no answer I'd have to go with "yes", but not for long

B - BEST FRIEND: None, really

C - CRUSH: Yes (too many)

D - DADS NAME: Richard

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Erm... Holly

F - FAVOURITE DRINK? Mountain Dew

G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS: Worms

H - HOMETOWN: Maidstone, Kent, UK

I - INSTRUMENT: Recorder, Violin, Trumpet

K - KIDS: Most are annoying (but then so are adults). Don't really want any of my own (or cause any).

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Can't remember.

M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOUR: Vanilla

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2

O - ONE WISH: To meet up with a certain girl soooooooon

P - PHOBIA: Of being scared of something!

Q - FAVOURITE QUOTE: "outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

R - REASON TO SMILE: Hugs!

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: American Pie

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: About 9:00

U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: I'm actually a really horrible person

V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: Asparagus

W - WORST HABITS: Worrying about what people think of me.

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Mouth/teeth

Y - YUMMY FOOD: Curry

Z- ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus

I am hardly human,
I do not exist.
I am way too far detached,
I will still persist.

I know too much for my place,
I do not fit in.
I need to change or go away;
I can never win.

I'm fed up with how life works,
I am not alive.
I need to find a place to fit,
If I'm too survive.

I am way too self-obsessed;
I don't know life's tune.
I've a ticket to reality,
I will use it soon.

Name 3 things in your wallet:
1. £5 of my gran's money
2. My NUS card
3. Phone E-top-up card

Name 3 things you always wear:
1. Watch
2. "WWJD" wristband
3.  "PUSH" wristband

Name 3 things you do when you are really stressed:
1. Eat chocolate
2. Get annoyed @ everything
3. Stop working

Name 3 favorite songs right now:
1. "Leave right now" - Garath Gates
2. "Somewhere only we know" - Some band beginign with 'k'
3. "The Reason" - Hooberstank

Name 3 favorite places to shop:
1. Wilkinson's
2. Sainsbury's
3. T.J. Hughes

Name 3 places you go to on a daily basis:
1. Sleep
2. The fridge
3. deviantArt

Name 3 things you like to do:
1. Sing
2. Hug
3. Write poetry

Name 3 most valuable possessions:
1. Computer (stupid thing)
2. Mobile phone
3. Chocolate

Name 3 things you are addicted to:
1. www.urbandead.com
2. www.deviantart.com
3. Chocolate

Name 3 career choices:
1. Web coder
2. Singer
3. Computer programmer

Name 3 plans for next week:
1. Exams and revision
2. Go hiking
3. Eat chocolate

Three Names You Go By:
1. Martin
2. mBread
3. Marty

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (OTHER THAN Love):
1. Hugs
2. Time
3. The feeling that I'm valuble

Two Truths and a Lie (in no particular order):
1. I'm in love
2. I'm not in love
3. I like chocolate

Three people I would like to see take this quiz:
1. ~nokomistsuki
2. ~katwee
3. ~ourbrokensouls

There are a couple of poems that I did not publish at the time I wrote them because they stemmed from feelings that I wasn't sure I wanted to advertise. I'd like to say that those problems are long gone, but they're not. I just tend to ignore them now. The cause of these poems is the same as the cause of the 'dead era' when I stopped posting entries daily, and didn't post anything for a while. Plus my computer blew up around that time.

weird81: IN LOVE [link]
  I didn't know if I was in love then, and I still don't know if I was. This poem is about the state I found myself in.

weird82: REALLY? [link]
  A poem about things I thought about myself, but was not sure. The first two still apply 100%. The last one applies again now, but not for the same reasons, and not with the same symptoms.


weirds 76 to 80 could also count as dead era entries, but they were in the transition between daily entries & no entries. There was also a sleepy era in April (weirds 89 to 91 [link] ), but that wasn't dead.

"Thoughts of a dying mind" index update:

weird93: OTHER GIRL [link]
A poem about some (now redundant) feelings that I had. Interesting conflict of heart, I think.

weird94: NO MORE SEARCHING [link]
The resolution of the feelings in "OTHER GIRL". The realisation of what I have and how good it is.

weird95: TIME TO DIE [link]
A poem about feelings I've had recently about dying. Not necessarily physically though.

weird96: RADIANCE [link]
Sunburnt by personality!

Also, check out my new avatar!

The world always accepts the stereotypes,
Always believes what you're made to believe,
Always fits in with the media's fashions,
Always copies the influential.

Whereas me,
I want to be me.
No one else, just me.
That may not be good enough,
But it'll have to be.
'Cos I just want to be me...

Together, can we just be us?
I want to be with you,
But not as we're expected to be.
I want we to be we.
Just we.
That'd be so wonderful!

Recent poems in my 'weird##'/'Thoughts of a Dying Mind' series:

weird89: BROKEN-HEARTED SOUL [link]
This is a poem about my adverse feelings to some positive feelings that were expressed towards me. I did have positive feelings back as well, but I needed to get my negative thoughts down.

weird90: IFS AND BUTS [link]
This is a poem about ifs and buts! It's about freedom & how life's confusing.

weird91: 2D FRIENDS [link]
This is a poem about how friends can seem simple until you get to know them well, and their inner complexities are revealed.

Enjoy!

Well, I was tagged by , so I migh as well do this:

Six odd things about me:

1) Erm... Odd... Well, there should be plenty of things... Hmmm... I like Mountain Dew, but unfortunately I can't get it in this country
2) I don't like the tast of most water, cos it tastes 'powdery'
3) I don't like Windows XP - I still use Windows 98
4) I've never kissed, or been kissed by, anyone other than relatives.
5) I sometimes make no sense at all (see one of my recent journal entries - [link] )
6) I think I have a very rare mental problem - but I might just be more intelligent than most other people. It's very hard to tell.

I can't be bothered to tag specific other ppl (most people I know have already done this), but if you read this (and haven't already been tagged) then now consider yourself tagged! So go scoot off and post 6 odd things about yourself.

The key to good friendships, in my view, is threefold:
1) Do what you feel like doing (if approproate)
2) Say what you feel
3) Say what you think

In other words "be yourself" and "be honest"!
If other people don't like you being honest, then it's their problem not yours!
Also, to be a good friend, you should accept other people being honest, and not judge them harshly on it.

It's better to be disliked for being who you are, than to be liked for being someone you're not.

I dream, I dream,
Of times that were.
I dream, I dream,
Of what could be.
I dream, I dream,
Of those I love.
I dream, I dream,
But those dreams elude me.

I'm always dreaming,
Always hoping,
Always longing...
But never getting.

I look at you all -
So happy and free!
I want what you've got,
But it won't come to me!

Every time I dream,
Of what I'd like to see,
Nothing every happens,
I get left broken in dispair.

But no matter what happens,
I'll always have hope!
Hope that something...
Anything good will happen!

But sometimes, all I can do,
Is break down, and cry...

weird84 - WHIRLWIND [link]

weird85 - ESCAPE [link]

weird86 - PIGEONS:

When the pigeons attack,
And all electrons are let loose,
Who is there around,
Who will free me from this noose?

Suddenly, I find, that all is not quite what it seems,
The penguins on my side,
Meet the pancakes from the moon,
And nothing left can free me,
From the life that I have built.

Hi.
I've been away for a while, but now I'm back...
Back from the deepest depths of doom and dispair and furthur.

I have finally almost released myself from the pearly-steel grip of consumerism, chocolate, and that monster that lurks in every fifth crisp packet...
I have been places where my worst fears and most splendid dreams co-existed in perfect harmony; places where I was free to express myself without fear of ironicity; places where politicians were actually competent! I saw sights you wouldn't beleive, heard sounds that don't exist, and felt feelings something similar to slipping on a fried egg while juggling three bowling balls.
I experienced wonders that filled my mind with awe, then shortly after vacated it - leaving it feeling mildly empty, like a sandwich whose crusts have been left on the plate; unwanted, unneeded, yet strangely nutricious.
I have felt the heat of placidness, and the cold sting of hate. I have eaten foods that have never before been seen, and that will never again reside in any human being's consciousness. I have been places where numbers skip randomly from one to another with no pattern, like a Microsoft program.
I have experienced worlds inhabited by the paradox of perfection, where everybody's bored to death with how perfect it is. I have had feelings that I never knew existed, and will never know again. I watched repeats of shows that were never aired and, in some cases, never made. I found the answer to how to make a computer always do what you want, only to have it snatched away by malconcentration of my mental orange squash, and a flattened pigeon. I have heard languages where every word only has one meaning, and everything is pronoucned as it is spelled (spelt), and there is never any confusion as to where to put apostraphes...

In short, I was asleep.

Now I begin to wake; I open my eyes once more to the beautiful world that is reality, heavy with the smoke of oppression (or maybe that's just pollution).
And, like always, I am confused...

Just uploaded two more parts of the 'Thoughts of a Dying Mind' weird series:

weird78 - MILES AWAY [link]
  A poem based on the feeling of being 'miles away'.

weird79 - CONSPIRACY - Part 2 [link]
  This is the second part of the story 'CONSPIRACY' based on a dream I had. The first part is here: [link]

weird80 - SHINE IN HIS EYES [link]
  A poem about an old man with plenty of soul left.

I've also used a poem as weird77 I submitted a while ago:

weird77 - THE CURTAIN CLOSES [link]

"The unspoken word never does harm." - Kossuth

I've no idea who this guy Kossuth is ("guy" in the neuter form, I am aware that it could possibly be a woman), but his idea is, while sounding good, quite un-thought-out.

Ok, so "what they don't know won't harm them", but take the word "no" or "stop" - if that's unspoken, then it could do untold amounts of damage!
But then, even the saying "what they don't know won't harm them" is fatally floored. If there's a murderer approaching someone from behind about to stab them, just because you don't tell them about the murdurer doesn't mean that they won't be killed! They'll only know about it BECAUSE it harms them, so therefore it must harm them very, very shortly before they know about it. And also a cancer can harm you even if you don't know about it. However, if you don't know about it then it won't harm you until the last minute, whereas if you do know then you can harm yourself by worrying.

Kossuth's thought is definately not accurate in the age of the Internet. E-mailed words can also cause tons of damage. Even before the Internet, written words can be just as harmful as spoken words. "Do not write down what you would not say in person - some day you may have to vouch for it!" Not sure who said that, it might have been the man who fell asleep, but THAT is a good saying!

But I guess whenever anything harms you, you will always know about it. If you're stabbed, or hit with a demolition ball, or even just break a fingernail, you are certain to notice! Even if a cancer does kill you, if you never know about it (so therefore never feel pain from it) then has it really harmed you? It may have killed you, but if you never felt pain or worry from it, then it hasn't really harmed you.
And if you see someone doing something dangerous, and don't tell them to stop, and then they get killed, then it isn't the unspoken word that harmed them, it was the dangerous thing that they were doing. The unspoken word just didn't save them when it could have done.

So, it's saying that it's best to stay silent & safe then risk saying or doing something. I tend to go by that quite often - I have a very quiet nature - but I know it's not good to always stick to that. You need to stick your neck out sometime, otherwise your life just hits the default and isn't worth anything. However, what you choose to do (or not to do) shows your character. So if you choose wisely, then it shows you as a wise person. If you choose stupidly, it shows you as a foolish person (or a person who doesn't care), which would be true if that's the case.

"There's no smoke without fire." Now what sort of saying is THAT??? I guess it means that when you have consequences there's a cause, but that's just obvious. Maybe it's saying that the correct explaination is most likely the one which is most likely. But then it would be better to say "Where there's smoke, there's fire." (which might be another popular saying.)
This saying isn't even true! My borhter has a smoke machine - no fire there! Althought I guess it's not true smoke. I guess it is actually true then. So maybe it's saying that you can tell the cause by what the consequence is. Each consequence always has the same cause - smoke always has fire.